24. November 2014 06:18
Mad Magazine compiled an amusing list of real world problems that the out-of-this-world James Bond villains might face...
witty death threats,
violent henchmen and blueprints!
But enough about Marv Albert’s bedroom!
This article is all about...
James Bond Villains' Pet Peeves
You're forced to contribute to the company pension plan, even though the average life expectancy of a member of your organization is 26.3 years.
Spectre downsizing means that you can hire either the albino dwarf with the poison fingernails or the Indian rubber man who strangles with his elbows - but not both.
Should have spent the extra $50,000 for the off-shore hideaway WITHOUT the "Destroy Entire Island" button.
Before they'll allow the deduction, the IRS demands proof that you use your 1,800 foot shark tank exclusively for business purposes.
Every time you and your criminal organization finally learn to recognize 007 on sight, they send a new James Bond with a totally different face!
With all of Bond's hidden devices and microgadgets, you're too paranoid to work the friggin' coffee machine in the morning!
Your psychiatrist has told you and told you that always keeping Bond alive so you can tell him your secret plans is "a spiraling self-destructive pattern," but you just can't help it!
Between the guy with the metal teeth, the guy with the metal hands and the guy with the metal hat, it takes absolutely forever for you and your henchmen to get past airport security!
Nowadays, when you threaten to detonate a T 5-megaton bomb in Washington D.C., the FBI tells you to "get in line."
After murdering the last 15 Nobel Prize winners who have secretly worked on your weaponry, it's impossible to attract top talent anymore.
[Source: Mad Magazine # 365, January 1998, P.8-10. Written by Desmond Devlin, illustrated by Drew Friedman. Copyright © 1998 E.C. Publications, Inc.]
All good things must come to an end and sadly we are running out of James Bond/MAD Magazine tie-ins. James Bond will return when the Madness concludes, next Monday.
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